Well, I guess its been a couple days since I've written an entry. I suppose I could lay down a few lines. I'm dedicating this entry to Ms. Sassaman.....most likely the only person who will read this. (Btw your book is zipped and read to be e-mailed. I need your address)

Exciting Things that have happened

 For spring break I went snowboarding. It was amazing. I decided I have enough skills to enter the olympics for the next 84 years.

My sister fell out of a tree and broke herself. No

Someone got arrested in my front yard yesterday. It was intense. There was everything, guns, handcuffs, police brutality. I'm glad I wasn't that half homeless man.

I finished my homework ahead of time. Plus it looks pretty sweet.

Well, I could come up with something cleaver to write...give me a second....

 

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Got it!.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So as you are (or should be if you know whats good for you) are aware, I shall perform in the circus in a couple weeks. I am the headlining star. My balancing team is amazing and they decided that we should be the main act. Me and my fellow balancers will perform to an astounded audience.

To prepare for this majestical moment, I have been practicing handstands at home. They are going slightly well, with one exception. A dog performed is bathroom activities right where I practice. This wasn't my dog. It wasn't my roommates dog. It was my roommates friends dog who came over to visist while my roommates friend went out of town.

 Seeing that this isn't in any way my responsibility to clean up, I refuse to do it. If you want to live in a house where there's dog pee on the floor, whatever. I'll just hang out in my room.

 That turned out to be a dangerous thing to say

 I decided to do my "trick" somewhere else and ripped my leg clean from my body. It hurt a bit, but since I'm so tough I didn't cry. What I did though, was this.

I called my roommates friend and said, "Hey, how bout bringing your adorable dog over to come play"

He said "sure".

He came over and I picked up my leg and swung it at the back of his head. He collapsed. Then, since I didn't need to hit anyone else with my leg, I sewed it back on using a fork and dental floss (because I'm so tough). Then I cut out the peice of the carpet that the dog peed on and strapped it to the dogs back. I sent the dog to the moon (don't worry dog lovers - later it came down in a hot air balloon, eating a coocoon with his friend the raccoon.) The friend I put back into the car. (he later woke up wondering why his head hurt and what his dog was doing eating a caccoonn with a raccoon).

And thats how I got even.

 And I'm not to sure if that was a understandable stream of content

And I think I better get back to my CAD project.

To whom it may concern;

As you few readers of this journal may know, your dear friend Courtney was recently involved in quite a thrilling adventure that took place approximately 4 days ago. (It was the one involving a tornado and an act of heroism.. remember?)

If you got a chance to read the autobiographical account of her exciting flight, you would've known that Courtney was diagnosed by none other than myself, Dr. Romulus DeSwitt, with NO MORE THAN one week to live.

That's right. One single week was all I gave her in my diagnoses, and seeing that I've been her doctor for over 4 years, most would agree (including her friends and family) that I am the authority on this kind of thing.

WELLLLL, as it turned out, what should've been Courtney's last adventure (saving a malnourished infant from a earth-shattering whirlwind) ended up as a newspaper-worthy event, and it's goodness was so epic in grandeur that it summoned the 'good fairy' all the way from neverneverland, or wherever she is from, with great news of life beyond my diagnoses...

... Here's the problem. She never checked with me first...!! I assunme she just got caught up in the moment, and suddenly appeared with these spectacular words. Personally, I've never met the broad, but she seems a little kooky.

Another possibility that I considered was that Courtney simply hallucinated this very fairy into being with her gigantic imagination. (It might have been those painkillers I perscribed...?) Either way, I am here to confirm that the awful news is STILL TRUE, and that Courtney only has one more day left.

I've tried several times today to call her but there is no answer. It might even be too late. However, I am glad that I found this entry in time so that I could warn all of you.

But look. Dont get all down in the dumps. Here at DeSwitt laboratories, we have been working around the clock on a new method that brings former diagnoses patients back to life instantly. Things should work out great. (should...) 

There is a catch, however. Once she gets resurrected (in the case that she does get resurrected) you all must call her a new name.

Don't ask why... it's just this crazy technicality that comes along with our new procedure...........  (you know, the big man upstairs kinda thing...) Either way, it'd be helpful if you all agreed on something, so as not to confuse her upon waking. The resurrection process is often disorienting to patients.

Thanks to all who took the time to read this. You are obviously good friends and care about your loved one, Courtney. Wish her luck in these upcoming weeks of medical malpractice, and let her know that she should get well soon.

Sincerely,

Dr. Romulus Horvath DeSwitt

I know its benn awhile since i've posted, but i have a brilliant and utterly true explanation for it. Seriously. What happed was that my doctor told me the awful news that i would die in a week! I know! Isn't that just dreadful! I thought it was. That was why i haven't had time for this. WHo wants to write in some stupid online diary when all you have  left in your life is one measly week!

When i found out this dreadful news i was petrified. I had so much to do in the span of one week!! What should i do? I can't possibley do everything I wanted to, i pnly had time for 3 little things or one big thing. Seeing i had to choose something very good very quickly i made a list of things to choose from. I could becme a spy just so they would give me suctioncup celing crawlers. i wouldn't have to risk my life necause ha ha i would die anyway!!! i could fight to the death with a shark and see if my judo skills are up to  par. Or.....and this is a big or... i could go fly around in a tornado and see if its possible to fly out unharmed with a parachute.

Hmm...yes,...that is what I will do.

I spent all week looking for a tornado. I hopped ontp my trusty bycicly and peddled around till i saw one. They are quite sneaky those little devils are. I looked and looked but I could not seem to locate one. Right when I was about to give off I see one zippping around in the distance. Hmm...perfect I said to myself. and only myself, for i was alone at the moment and there was no one else to say it too. I strapped on my handy dandy parachute and singing a thheme song to myself i peddled full tilt toward the twirling tower of terror. Dun  de da de dun dun ta de de fer de mo de der der dooooooooooo! ( repeat as nessary)

I reacy that swirling spirial and dive had first into its mass body of wind, trees, barns, pine cones, rocks, wheels, ovens, and cows. I look over each item carefully, not wanting to miss a single moment of the ecstacy that was thisevil funnals domain. All od a sudden i hear this "wa wa wa" coming from the right. I turn and gasp with amazment! There was a little baby trying to exult in the brilliance of tornado-riding. WOw! I wasn't alone! I felt this child and I were on the same brainwave or something. I mean, how many other people do you find tornado-riding! I felt that this child and I must be together forever, or at least until my dying moment, 4 hours away. I swam over to the young wippersnapper and held out my had for a handshake, but all the young fellow could do was cry cry cry. Oh my! I realized why he was crying. His trusy parachute must have come off in the wind. Goodness this is awful. I must protect my little soultwin. I reach out, grab, mis, grab again, miss again, grab again, and catch hold of his had, Then, pulling him close to my bosom, i head toward the wall of the might beast-tornado, which i had begun lovingly reffering to as hollister. Yelling my last goodbye to dear H the T, i jumped out and opened my parachute.

THe child and i landed saftly n a swimming pool filled with jello, where there were crowds and crowds of people awaiting our decent. They grabbed my hand and shook it fiercly, The childs parents came up and huggled they little youngster with all their might. Before I had a chance to repremand them on not saftly securing the paracchute to their little one,  a giant pop was heard and out popped the good fairy and SHE said......

"Courtney Courtney Courtney, yousaved this screaming infent from the depths of the raging volcano of death known as a tornado. Because of this i give you 5 more years to live. COngragulations"

Wow. I was extatic at that point. It was the best news I had heard all day. SO I threw a party and eerone got invited. Well the people who were cool got invited. I guess that means if you wern't invited...YOU ARN'T cool. Ha ha. serves you right!

<span style="font-size: 8pt; font-family: verdana">Why is it that my live has been so entry-less lately? I just don't understand. I can't seem to find any brilliant beyond brilliant things to write about. But see here...I don't give up that easily....so I'll do my best and come up with a tidbit or two to write about.<p>&nbsp;</p> </span><span style="font-size: 8pt; font-family: verdana">I've realized something about myself yesterday. It came as quite a shock. The hundreds and thousands of years of my live finally make sense now! I've finally realized one of the things I hate most in life. And now, this isn't just some small hate. It's huge. I've realized.....I hate when small children put on their shoes! It takes them absolutely FOREVER. They never have any simple shoes like flip-flops. It's always Birkenstocks, those Velcro sandals, tennis shoes, ect.!!!! And they NEVER want help putting them on. It&rsquo;s always a &quot;I can do it myself!!!&quot; So slowing they untie the shoe. Slowly pick it up. Slowly bring it close to the foot. Slowly they stick the toes in. Slowly the shoe is pushed. Slowly the heel goes in. Slowly they set their foot down. Slowly they tie the shoe. And then slowly you go on to the next one. I personally think children should get to wear shoes ONLY if they are slip ons. They don&rsquo;t have enough speed to wear tie-on shoes! If I were president I would make it a law. If I were the shoe company I would design a tie-on shoe where there was no back to the shoe. That way they could still practice tying shoes without inconveniencing me! Unfortually for me that has already been invented. Maybe I could just come up with a new color or something and then receive my just reward!<p>&nbsp;</p> </span><span style="font-size: 8pt; font-family: verdana">And then&nbsp;there is this....<p><span style="font-size: 8pt; font-family: verdana">Take the quiz: &lt;a href=&quot;<a href="http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=135">http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=135&quot;&gt;&quot;What</a> Disney Princess Are You?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;<a href="http://img1.zenhex.com/quiz1/135/res2.gif">http://img1.zenhex.com/quiz1/135/res2.gif</a>&quot; border=&quot;0&quot;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Ariel&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;You can swim, flip, dive and be one with fish...WHY DO YOU WANT MORE?</span></p> </span><span style="font-size: 8pt; font-family: verdana">That&rsquo;s right...I'm Arial! The beautiful mermaid princess who searches for forks and pipes, never went to daddy&rsquo;s concerts, saw the dashing prince&nbsp;and saved him from a death at sea, but wasn't good enough to save his pretty statue before father got a hold of it. I was mad at my daddy so I went to evil witch, who didn't seem that bad but sang and evil-like song that was quite catchy. She took my voice, gave me legs, but forgot to give me some panties, so I was panty less when the prince saw me on the shore. Luckily I grabbed a sheet and was able to hide the fact I was panty less. I went to live in the castle where my friend crab was chased by a mad cook. The prince took me on excursions where I watched a puppet show, floated in a blue lagoon, and was tipped into the water by electric eels. I awoke one morning to find that my handsome prince had&nbsp;decided to marry some chick that had my voice in a seashell.&nbsp;I crashed the wedding where I was quickly turned back into a mermaid and thrown into the water. My prince felt bad and tried to save me from the evil sea witch. She grew quite tall and then he poked to death with a sunken ship. After that my daddy gave me a new dress and the prince and I lived happily ever after.</span><span style="font-size: 8pt; font-family: verdana"><p>&nbsp;</p> </span><span style="font-size: 8pt; font-family: verdana">I was in a spelling bee yesterday. It was great fun. I was wowing them with words like encyclopedia and Gestapo and other crazy words. I had mad skill doncha know? Because EVERYONE knows I am an awesome speller. Right? Right? I thought so. Well, I spelled my way to the top that day. I was kicking some boo-tah! There was only me and this one kid name Philip left. Of course I wasn't going to let this little punk beat me!!! So when the next word came up, I was ready!! .........&nbsp;&nbsp; Unfortunately I was not ready enough for I couldn't spell it! I tried sanerio, senerio, sanierieo...but I knew they weren&rsquo;t right. I didn't know what to do. I looked around hoping that there would be some kind of inspirational or anti-drug poster where the word I needed would be spelled out like a ray of sunshine shining through a dark, damp, smelly cave. No such luck. But I did happen to glance over at Steve....who was sitting in the audience. He was mouthing this at me *It's s-c-e-n-a-r-i-o silly!* Yes! Perfect!&nbsp;An answer! I screamed it out and Phillip lost. I said Ha Ha! I went home with the biggest trophy ever. It had a giant bee on top. With a little teacher stick pointing to a blackboard, on which was written c-a-t. But my tough luck Steve took it away and said that it was his because he gave me the answer. If I didn't give it to him he would tell everyone how I didn't know how to spell scenario. He wanted it to put on his shelf so people would know he was a good speller.<p>&nbsp;</p> </span><span style="font-size: 8pt; font-family: verdana">Speaking of dear old Steve... he has put me on the path to greatness. I have come up with a new&nbsp;formula that will revitalize AIM conversations once and for all. We were speaking one afternoon online when I said a comment. Apparently he thought it was quite witty so he said lolllll. I commented on the fact that it would be easier to say lo(l*5) and he said &quot;brilliant Courtney...you should send that in to -AIM Conversations Made Easy- and try to win an award!&quot; Great idea I said! So I sent it in...and now I'm just waiting on the results. I'm sure I will win. But anyway....to make sure I do...everyone in the world needs to start using my formula. Ok? Please...spread the word...so that one day...I will be able to get a trophy that says &quot;Best IM formula of 2005&quot;. It will go in the place my spelling bee trophy was to go before someone stole it. But that&rsquo;s ok. I'd rather have a &quot;Best IM formula of 2005&quot; than a spelling bee trophy any day! So I suppose I should say...&quot;Thank you Steve...for letting me bask in your fountain of knowledge, in the Pantene pro-v bubbles, and giving my name a reason to be changed to Shimmer, the Disney Mermaid.&quot; </span>

So, I will make you an offer.  You have met me briefly.  I have met you
briefly.  I have an eccentric tour this summer. I will take you with me
on this tour.  You will learn everything I can teach you, and I will
use you as an assistant on stage, a videographer and a driver when I
have to drive long distances in short periods of time.  We will camp
some nights along the way, sleep in the van a few nights when we have
to, and stay in hotel rooms when we are working or need one.  You can
accept this full offer, or you can accept part of it.  if you want a
private hotel room, you will have to pay for that on your own -
otherwise, I will teach you everything I can for free en exchange for
using you on the trip and I will pay for your meals.

 

I live in MS, about 10 hr's north east around July 18th or so I drive
to NY, work in NY for five days (15 shows) then I have three days to
drive to ID (2200 miles) and I work for four days (12 shows) then I
have three days to get to OR and do three shows on one day, then  I
have one day to drive (975 miles) and do two days in CO.  I then have
five days off and I do one day in MT, I then have about five days to
drive to Alaska, and it will be a fast long drive along the Al-Can, but
I have always wanted to drive that highway.  I then have twelve days to drive back to CA and do a three day fair and then I drive home to MS.

Now, ask yourself. How lucky can a person get to have this offered to them!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Pretty DARN lucky!!! OMG I am so Happy right now. I haven't been this estatic in 18 hundred years!!!!  I still must talk to my dearly beloved parental units about it. And I have to figure out when school starts. O my GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM THE LUCKIEST LITTLE GIRLIE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!